Avengers: Let's Talk About
by IBegToDreamAndDiffer
Summary: Tony and Clint talk about their partners, and how truly awesome they are. Natasha and Loki talk about how idiotic their other halves can be. See warnings inside.


**AVENGERS**

**LET'S TALK ABOUT...**

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**Author's Note:**

**Pairings: **Tony Stark/Loki, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

**Warnings: **Mentions of sex, mild language

**Disclaimer:** The world and characters of _The Avengers _belong to Marvel. I own nothing but the plot and make no money from this story.

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Tony didn't realise Clint was there until he sat up and tossed his goggles aside. He let out a squeal, which made Clint laugh so hard that he toppled off the bench and onto the floor.

'Serves your right,' Tony grunted as Clint groaned and sat up.

'Shut up, asshat,' the archer grumbled.

Tony smirked and rolled his chair over to Clint, offering him a hand. Clint took it and dragged himself to his feet before sighing and climbing onto another bench. His legs swung back and forth, back and forth, his blue eyes unfocused where they were trained on the wall.

Tony frowned. It was weird, seeing Clint unfocused. Dude had the best eyesight Tony had ever seen. 'Okay, so what crawled into your nest?'

'I don't have any nests.'

'Liar.'

'_Air ducts, _Tony,' Clint grunted, eyes swivelling to rest on the inventor. 'They're called _air ducts_.'

'They're called _nests _when JARVIS tells me that you've dragged blankets and snacks up there,' Tony said. Clint huffed, but Tony ignored the noise in favour of standing. He stretched, back cracking, and wondered how long he'd been in his workshop before dismissing it. He didn't think that he had anything important to see to, so trailed over to the bar fridge in the corner beside DUM-E.

DUM-E whirled and swivelled, and Tony patted it on the top of its arm as he grabbed a bottle of alcohol. Bourbon or scotch or... eh, something amber coloured.

'What's up?' he asked, walking back towards Clint. Clint eyed the bottle, but accepted it when Tony had twisted the lid off and took a swig.

'Natasha,' Clint finally sighed, sipping from the bottle. 'And Loki.'

Tony raised his eyebrows as he sat back down. 'I thought you and Loki were getting along,' he said. 'Or, well, no longer trying to murder each other.'

'He's fun to poke until he gets all huffy and drags you away for sex.' Clint shivered on the last word, looking disgusted.

'Our sex life is a beautiful thing,' Tony grinned.

Clint poked his tongue out. 'Whatever. I still think it's creepy, but you're not gonna stop.'

'Damn right I'm not gonna stop,' Tony said. He took another swig and leaned against the table. 'So Natasha and Loki are...?'

'Hanging out,' Clint grumbled. 'And by _hanging out _I mean that they disappeared about an hour ago to go and get manicures and other crap.'

'Really?' Tony laughed. Okay, so he knew that Loki took pride in his appearance, and he had more beauty products than Tony and Natasha combined, but a _manicure_? Wow.

'Natasha mentioned a spa that she visited once, and they got talking,' Clint complained. Yeah, Natasha and Loki talking was never a good thing, in Tony's experience. They either ended up trying to kill each other, or banded together to make everyone else's lives miserable. Usually Tony and Clint's; hence Clint currently moping about Tony's workshop.

'Anyway,' Clint grabbed the bottle from Tony, 'Loki teleported them to the spa. Which means that they're getting all gussied up and probably planning world domination.'

Tony snorted. '_Gussied up, _Barton? You've been spending too much time with Steve.'

Clint flipped him off and Tony snickered into the bottle of bourbon.

'It's not really that big a deal,' Tony decided. 'I mean, they end up looking super hot, and feel good about themselves, which means that _we _get super awesome sex. Really, what's the problem?'

'Them _spending time together_,' Clint's pout deepened, and Tony had to bite his lip to stop bursting into laughter. For such a badass, Clint was downright adorable. 'Whenever Nat hangs out with Loki, she ends up finding fault in everything I do. Like my nests, and the way I eat cereal, and how I leave my clothes everywhere.'

'Aha!' Tony shouted, making Clint blink. 'So they _are _nests!'

'Shut up, Tony!' Clint growled. 'I have serious problems here!'

'Serious problems?' Tony laughed. 'Please, Barton, don't make me laugh. Your girlfriend ignores you when you piss her off. My boyfriend fills my bed with dirt, paints my Iron Man suits bright pink, and wanders around the Tower in the tightest leather pants he can find.'

Clint scowled. 'Have you _seen _some of Natasha's skin-tight suits? They help _her _move easily, but not me.'

'Mm,' Tony nodded. Okay, fair enough; Natasha _did _look ridiculously hot in the suits she wore for Avengers/SHIELD-related business. But in Tony's opinion, Loki looked _way _hotted in black leather pants and a tight t-shirt, especially when he was bare-foot and his hair was a mess of waves.

Yeah, Clint probably wouldn't agree with him on that one.

'Still,' he shrugged, 'it's worth it, right? They get to let off some steam, we get awesome sex, and their moods get better eventually. All I gotta do is buy Loki a shit tonne of ice-cream, and all _you _have to do is get JARVIS to order those Swiss chocolates that Natasha likes.'

Clint's eyes brightened, and JARVIS spoke before he could; '_I put in an order when Agent Romanov and Mr Laufeyson left_.'

'What would we do without you, J?' Tony questioned.

'_Die a horrible death, sir_,' JARVIS stated.

Clint snickered and Tony nodded; true, true.

'Anyway,' Tony said, 'are you just gonna hang down here until they get back? When are they getting back?'

'No idea,' Clint shrugged. 'Probably before dinner. Bruce is cooking Indian.'

'Loki loves Indian,' Tony hummed. 'Yeah, they'll be back before then.'

'I have nothing to do, so I guess I'll stay,' Clint sighed, like hanging out with Tony was the absolute worse way to spend his time.

'Aww, thanks, Angry Bird, I love you too,' Tony muttered.

'Back at ya, babe,' Clint winked, making the older man snicker. 'So...'

'So...?' Tony echoed. He'd gone back to fiddling with his latest Iron Man suit, hand stretching out to snatch up the bottle of bourbon whenever Clint put it aside.

'So, you and Loki,' Clint murmured.

'Yeah...?' Clint huffed, and Tony said, 'What? Ask a freakin' question, Bird Brain. Me and Loki what?'

'You're still... I dunno... good?'

Wow, that was _the _most awkward Tony had ever seen Clint. Clint didn't like to know, or really even _think_, about Tony and Loki. He'd been one of the most understanding of the relationship when it had come out, but only because he knew better than to try and get Tony Stark to play by anyone else's rules... or rein in his libido. It didn't mean that he _liked _Loki, and he _definitely _didn't like to think about Tony and Loki getting their freak on. But for the most part, he was cool; he just simply ignored it.

'Are we seriously having a conversation about my relationship with the Norse God of Mischief?' Tony asked. When Clint didn't answer, the inventor glanced at him. Clint gave a helpless shrug and Tony's eyes narrowed. He sat up to face Clint fully, eyes still on the archer. 'Wait a minute...'

Clint started fiddling with his jacket.

'Oh, _I _get it,' Tony beamed. 'You wanna talk about Natasha, so you're trying to get _me _to talk about Loki so I don't kick your love-sick ass outta my workshop.'

'Please,' Clint rolled his eyes, 'you're just as love-sick as me.'

'Am not,' Tony denied.

'Oh, really?' Clint asked. When Tony nodded, he continued, 'Okay, so... tell me, what's your favourite thing to do with Loki that doesn't include sex?'

Tony's eyes had lit up, only to dim when Clint said "doesn't include sex". Jesus, Loki was a fucking _dragon _in bed, never mind a tiger. One of these days Tony was going to break something, but it would _so _be worth it.

'Come on,' Clint said, reaching over to prod the side of Tony's head.

'If I answer, you gotta answer,' Tony said. 'And then I get to ask a question about you and Tasha.'

'Fine,' Clint shrugged.

'Okay,' Tony hummed, 'let's see, best thing, best thing... oh, I know! Watching movies together.' Clint raised an eyebrow. 'I'm serious,' Tony insisted. 'Okay, so Loki wears torn jeans or sweats, and usually a baggy hoodie, right? And he leaves his hair all messy, which I _love_, don't even ask about my absolute love of messy-haired-Loki. Anyway, we get ice-cream and popcorn, chips and other snacks, and we just veg out on the couch for, like, the entire day. Loki throws himself across me and the couch 'cause he's a needy bitch, and he ends up snuggling into me, but denying it later. It's awesome, 'cause I get to educate him on things like _Star Trek_, _Star Wars_, and all the Disney movies. And Loki gets entertained and also orders me around like I'm his bitch.'

'You _are _his bitch,' Clint commented.

'You shut your whore mouth, Barthon!' Tony snapped, making Clint laugh. 'It's the best way to spend our time if I'm not allowed to say sex. I get snuggly, messy, adorably warm Loki who doesn't understand why we humans think that lions can talk and sing.'

'Ah-huh,' Clint murmured. 'I see.'

Tony just hugged and grabbed the bourbon again, taking a swig. 'Your turn, princess.'

'Okay,' Clint said, 'I'd say that my favourite thing to do with Nat is... sparring in the gym.'

'Seriously?' Tony snorted.

'I didn't bitch about your answer!' Clint snapped. Tony waved his hand and the blonde continued. 'Anyway, yeah, the gym. It's how we met, actually, way back before she'd even heard of SHIELD. We both like keeping fit, obviously we have to with our jobs, but it's a good way to get rid of stress and relax. We talk about everything, sometimes important things, sometimes what we had for breakfast. We also get any anger we have for the other out by kicking each other's asses. Well, usually Nat kicks _my _ass, but she'd so be able to murder me with her pinky, so I don't care. Plus she gets really sweet and smiles a lot afterwards, which is awesome, you know, 'cause Nat doesn't smile a lot. So... yeah...'

He trailed off, letting silence fall, and the two man just stared at each other for a bit.

'See?' Tony suddenly declared, pointing the bottle at Clint. '_You're _more love-sick than I am!'

'Bullshit!' Clint snapped back. 'You and Loki _snuggle_.'

'As if you and Natasha don't.'

'Nat's more badass than either of us will ever be, of _course _she doesn't snuggle,' Clint said. But the tips of his ears burned pink, and Tony grinned.

'_Oh_,' he mused, 'so _you're _the cuddler.'

'Am not.'

'Are too.'

'You have no proof.'

'JARVIS!'

Clint launched himself at the inventor before JARVIS could reply, and Tony went tumbling off his chair and to the floor, Clint straddling him. Clint would always be the better fighter, but Loki and Steve had both been teaching Tony some moves, so he managed to flip Clint off himself and launch his own attack.

He earned a bruised rib and a smack to the cheek for his trouble, but managed to split Clint's lip and twist some of his fingers around. Soon enough they were locked in an awkward, embarrassing tangle of limbs; Clint with an arm around Tony's neck, Tony threatening to bend Clint's fingers right back and snap them.

They both paused, breathing slightly laboured, and stared at each other.

'We're behaving like kids while our significant others are probably bitching about us in another state,' Clint stated.

'Oh, they're _so _bitching,' Tony agreed. 'I once caught Loki telling Natasha about my ability to hog the mattress. He conveniently left out that he's a blanket hog _and _a cuddle monster.'

'Cuddle monster?' Clint snorted.

'Hey, you're one too,' Tony retorted.

Clint scowled, Tony returned it.

'Okay...' the archer hummed, 'how about we both, slowly, let go, and change the subject?'

''kay...' Tony echoed. Slowly, the two untangled themselves and stood. Tony winced and Clint rubbed his wrist. They re-took their seats- Tony actually in a seat, Clint perched atop his workbench. Tony took a sip of bourbon and passed the bottle to Clint. 'So, another topic,' Tony hummed.

'Yeah,' Clint agreed.

They stared at each other, both drawing blanks.

'Okay,' Clint cleared his throat, 'so, uh... Natasha makes _awesome _crepes.'

'Loki never makes me crepe,' Tony pouted, 'though _he _does whip up some awesome pancakes.'

{oOo}

'What are they doing?' Natasha asked. She didn't need to look at Loki to know that the god was smirking. She heard Loki end his call to JARVIS and slip his cellphone back onto the table beside him.

Natasha was feeling relaxed. Her feet were still tingling from the massage, her nails had never felt so clean, and her face was softening, feeling revived under the mask that the professional had applied. The cool cucumbers over her eyes seemed to seep away all her tension, and she sighed slightly, sinking further into her comfortable chair.

'Anthony and Barton seem to be discussing us,' Loki finally commented.

'I knew they would,' Natasha said.

'Indeed,' Loki agreed.

'What are they saying?'

'A mixture of things; how amazing we are, how annoying we can be, and, of course, how truly love-sick they are.'

Natasha chuckled softly. 'There egos would swell if they knew how love-sick we are about them.'

'True,' Loki mused. 'Anthony knows how I feel about him, yet he never seems to bring it up with any of your team mates.'

'Tony's like that,' Natasha shrugged one shoulder delicately. 'He keeps the real things close and never shuts up about every other thing.'

'Like me,' Loki said.

'Which is why you love him.'

'Indeed,' Loki repeated. 'And Barton's reasons for not telling Stark about how you feel?'

'Clint knows I'd kick his ass,' Natasha said, making Loki snort. 'I make it up to him, though.'

'But of course,' Loki said, 'we must keep our mortals happy.'

Natasha giggled. She wasn't sure if that was a slip of Loki's- sometimes treating her like an equal, like a _god_- or if Loki did it purposely during times like this. Right now, they _were _equals; just two friends, getting pampered and talking about their partners.

Speaking of partners...

'Hey, did I tell you about Clint's boxers?' she asked.

'No,' Loki replied.

'They have little Captain America shields on them,' Natasha said.

'_No_,' Loki repeated, this time with much more emphasis. Natasha knew that Loki would use this knowledge to blackmail Clint into _something_, but it was worth it.

'Oh, yes,' she had to bite back a grin to stop her mask from cracking. 'He wears them as much as I'll let him get away with; they're his favourite.'

Loki was giggling and trying to contain himself, which made _Natasha _giggle, and soon the two were holding their stomachs trying not to laugh.

'Okay, okay, I have a better story,' Loki announced.

'Go on,' Natasha prompted.

Loki settled back down before saying, 'I told you about Anthony's inability to sleep in one position, yes?'

'He's a mattress lover,' Natasha nodded.

'Yes, well the other night I couldn't sleep. He kicked me _four times_, and I was tempted to colour his hair white, but I contained myself. I decided to wander around the Tower a bit. When I returned Anthony was still all over the bed, so I decided to create a teddy bear, tuck it under his arm, and take a picture to use for blackmail purposes.'

'Of course,' Natasha agreed.

'Now, Anthony, of course, complained when he awoke to find himself hugging a teddy, but we moved on. Until three nights later when he went to bed before me. I found him curled up under the covers with his teddy bear tucked under his chin.'

'_No_!'

'Yes,' Loki said gleefully. 'Anthony Stark is a teddy bear lover.'

'Oh my God!' Natasha cackled. 'He acts so tough, when really he's a little boy in love with his stuffed toys.'

'That's not the best part.'

'There's more?' Natasha gasped

'Yes,' Loki was smirking, she knew it. 'The teddy bear was actually a replica of the Hulk.'

Natasha burst into a fit of giggles, and Loki's soft chuckles joined her. 'Oh... God...' Natasha wheezed, 'I need... picture... footage... _anything_!'

'Your wish is my command, Lady Natasha,' Loki replied. 'When we're done here I'll show you.'

Natasha's giggles eventually trailed off, and the two fell into silence as they once more relaxed into their seats.

'You know...' Natasha mused suddenly.

'Mm?' Loki hummed, sounding sleepy.

'I once caught Clint sleeping with a packet of chips because he didn't want Thor to eat them.'

'Once Anthony woke up snuggling his robot, DUM-E, when he fell asleep in his workshop.'

Natasha grinned, and she knew that Loki was too.

'My dear, today was a _fabulous _idea,' Loki commented.

'Yes, it really was,' Natasha agreed. 'So, back to Clint and Tony...'

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{The End}

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**Author's Note: **It's that damn **GreenLoki**, prompting me all over the place. Johnny can't help it, he really can't. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this random piece of random :)

Cheers,

{IBegToDreamAndDiffer}


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